Sunday, January 31, 2016

Loneliness



Today I am lonely
I do not know what to say 
I do not know what to do 
I do not know what I am doing with my life 
I am undergoing an inexplicable patch
Which is full of despair, regret, remembrance and memory 
Which has arisen out of a devastating betrayal 
I do not know what went wrong and what was wrong 
I feel pulled down, cheated, looted and psychologically raped 
Things and life keep getting beautiful and complicated as we grow up 
A piece of the latter this time has made me stop in life 
It is getting difficult to move ahead 
I fail to understand what exactly to ponder upon and why 
I fail to decide where to begin thinking from 
This is an unfamiliar phase 
Sometimes I feel this is deservance 
Sometimes I feel this is a process to something astonishing 
I am just so numb from inside
From body, mind, heart and every side
I seriously need help 
But I do not know whom to ask it from 
I feel most comfortable in just sleeping, bathing, eating and working now 
Life is becoming an unanswered question 
Why would someone behave like this 
I want my answers and my peace of mind 
Forgive me God for which I am undergoing this 
Help me to come back to myself 
I am sorry. 

Friday, May 1, 2015

Law School Roommate - Last Night Solidarity







I really don't know what to say,
We have had our bad, but more than that very good days,
I am happy and elated that from first to last, all throughout we managed to stay.

Life from here is going to take unknown turns,
For so many years from now, for your company and presence I'll definitely yearn.

I'll be frank and precise, thanks for bearing all those sleepless nights,
I knew that the table lamp and its light was the worst possible thing in our isle,
But no wonder, I could make it through as never there was a single complaint from your side.

That night, or early in the morning,
When you did not forget to switch off the fan, when it was causing me coughing and adding to the plight,
I still remember how good I felt after that, for days and nights,
I missed your presence on the weekends, for walls only used to me be my friends in our small farmville.

I'll miss seeing you around,
I'll miss seeing your being carefree and sleepy in life when all that while, my life revolved around library, books and the leftover life.

As we move on from here, I wish you stay the way you are, happy and happy and always happy in life,
Thank God we at least have one picture together, to showoff and bid each other final good bye.



Saturday, April 25, 2015

That's all folks!









So yes here it is, official farewell, just got over a sometime back
It feels good, it feels nice, the feelings are mixed of low and high
They were all there today, I mean almost
I have no clue why didn't the rest turn up, they had their own hay

The scene was like that of a rainbow, it felt divine to see the vibrance of the seven at the same time
The Violet is almost hazy in my memory, it told me , it does not matter where you came from and what you were
The Indigo is what I'll miss the most, the comfort of the first year, the joy of surprise and newness, the warmth of welcoming
The Blue got me going, it converted the spark into the fire, I jumped into the pool, which had all the good, better and the best and taught me the lessons of togetherness and never let go of the fire
The Green is always a testing time, half way through the journey only to tread the same distance for one more time, there were ups and downs, time took a test of everyone's character, everything became crystallized, the true and the best came  out of everyone, to leave many a joyous and many just sublime
The Yellow said, guys it's not over yet, red is what you aim for, come on buck up, it is the last lap
Orange is what I write from right now, the sight of the finish line is enduring, there is excitement with uncertainty of what lies ahead, there is pain of separation,
My calling is the Red now, it says worry not kid, for all good things must come to an end, fear not the brightness and fullness of me, this was all for which you left the violet, so embrace it now that you have it, let go off the mishaps and missed chances, but do not miss what lies ahead as the time of your life

When you want something in life, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it, humari college life me bhi humari filmon ke jaise end me sab kuch theek ho hi jata hai, aur agar aisa na ho toh woh the end nahi, picture abhi baaki hai mere dost, that's all folks!



The author can be reached here, here. All pictures at Gujarat National Law University. 




Saturday, March 28, 2015

Feeling Apologetic




Tomorrow is my farewell day
My blog says thirty three more days for you to stay
My juniors came in class today
Gave us the farewell invite, so its final countdown to no more college hay
But hey, I don't want to go away
I owe an apology
I am feeling apologetic
Regret and despair is hovering over my mind
They say this was the inevitable and had to happen, but before it happens
My apologies to all those whom I assumptively judged without thinking
My apologies to all those who approached me and I kept running
My apologies to all those to whom I made unnecessary interferences and suggestions in their life
My apologies for often being invariably unsocial and non-talkative, even though I thrived
Believe me all that was not on purpose, I tried my best to avoid the ruckus

I apologize to myself
I promise I will push and back myself up more than ever from now  
I promise to keep faith in my abilities ever and forever from here
I promise to drive away joblessness and fear
I promise not to remain stuck, I'll be brave and I'll move further
I promise to shun away shiny distractions and solely focus on tiny extractions

I know I can't make the past better from here
But I will not keep the promises limited to this blog post
I apologize and I promise, from here on I'll make this as a better road
Unfortunately that is how life goes.

The author can be reached here, here.


Thursday, February 19, 2015

Happy Anniversary Mummy & Papa!


The time is here, the moment is here
It was a rough journey with sweet patches throughout,  
As we embark upon another milestone of it
There is unbound joy and pride in each soul, excitement to celebrate and shout  
We thank the almighty for being gracious on us all throughout
We promise not to repeat any of the mistakes which we committed all this way out
For anniversaries is another way of saying, that I love you all the more than ever
First one is special as it marks the first significant step up in this beautiful journey called marriage  
Twenty fifth is all the more special as one feels confused as to which one was the best of all these steps
This love of yours is unique and special in nature
It is not an evening in Paris, no one is from Rangoon, there is no Dream Girl, 
It is not even a match made in heaven
It is a match which even God Himself idolizes to make matches made in heaven
Money, dresses and cars never make happy families
Togetherness, availability, empathy and sacrifice do
All this and a lot more are just few of the many precious things which we got from you selflessly day and night
Hardships and giving up were never in your dictionary, love, compassion and endless spirit to keep going is what defined you
From being kids to being adults, as we kept taking cues from all of this and the magnificent you
We realized that the best we could be was to just be partly like you, as imitation of perfection is in itself herculean
For who would need the worship of God, when His worship and meeting lies in the blessings of our daily surroundings
With the hope of the love getting multiplied each day, and the belongingness growing multifold
We wish you a very happy anniversary, endless moments of togetherness, and love drops till eternity. 



Saturday, October 4, 2014

Down The Memory Lane - Ninth Standard of School - Fourth Year of Law School




One can say that it's both my habit as well as nature to recollect the good old memories and deeds of the past and somehow give them a re-birth to them in the present. There was once a time when it used to take me days and months together just to gather my thoughts and to decide what exactly to write about. I am glad that things are getting better. Over all these months, I find myself in a position that now there are so many things, so much happening all around that there is no scarcity of endless thoughts and it's just the right time to soar high and keep on writing forever.

My university organized the first edition of a national level parliamentary debate from 7th-9th September 2013. As evident, I was happy that I was a significant part of it, and more specially in the things post completion of the competition, like compiling reports, feedbacks, experiences etc. I had spent a fair amount of time in writing a press note, something which was a part of my duty and more than that an activity I relish like anything, which is writing.

As expected, there were numerous responses to it in the form of likes, comments and shares, for it being decent and nice. But bells of nostalgia struck me like anything when I saw that the first like coming onto it, being that of my english teacher from Secondary School, Mrs. Mamta Jain. For a minute, things got rewound back into the year 2005, when the most enjoyable subject to study used to be English Literature and Grammar, more than Maths, more than Science and more than anything else in the world. It meant not just something but everything. That class of roughly forty minutes meant the world to me, and to many others I am sure. I used to take great pride in the fact that we were the only section in the entire batch to be taught by her, her main priority being the batch of our immediate seniors.

It's been years now, since I last met her but I feel that a blog post could certainly be a small tribute to her from our side, if not a perfect tribute. This is for all that she did for us. All that we are today, me and my school friends across the country, owe a lot to her. I get reminded of her everytime I have to write a SoP, a job application, an apology mail for a delayed submission and so on. The kind of command and hold over the language and more specially vocabulary, is due to the wonderful interactive sessions we had in every single English period, to which the colourful portals of 9th B, St. Anselm's Pink City School were a witness.

All the workbook exercises, the extended discussions over every single stanza of the poem in the literature book, the framing of notices, writing of letters, report-writing etc. as a part of Diwali holidays used to prick us like anything. But the seeds of hardwork and toiling done then are boring significant fruits now.

The Road Not Taken, still very much finds place on the soft board just above my study table. The cutting is the original one from the Ninth Standard CBSE English Textbook. The poem has been an inspiration, not just because it was written very well by Robert Frost, but was explained in an equally beautiful manner by our beloved English teacher. Thank you so much ma'am. 

The author can be reached herehere and here.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

Being in Love is Not So Easy




Love is a charm they told me
Love they promised would be like a holiday on a farm
Love would bring serenity I thought
Love they said would create solace, calm and new energies would be bought

Love brings responsibility I tell them
Love creates complications they didn't know
Love might give birth to you and make you glow
Love will give re-birth to melodrama, unexpected serial arguments, impatience and immaturity
Love will bring along impatience, anger, unwanted emotions and asperity
The saga mysteriously unfolds and is very difficult to handle
People tend to get dizzy
Being in love is a lovable thing
But the thing is not that easy

Being in love I thought would be complementing each other
Being in love I thought would be living your life through someone else's mirror
Rejoicing at the reflection is a rare thing
Being in love is in fact accommodating two in the same mirror
All human beings are different, so are lovers

Love gets difficult when there is doubt
Love gets difficult when there is distrust and things are said in flout
Love gets difficult when expectations overleap donations
When in love, never ever calculate, never ever estimate, never seek victory
For victory lies in just keep giving
Forgive and forget, do not crib and regret
It's only in movies only that things are always breezy and cheesy
For in real life, love is not that easy

Being in love requires patience and communication
It is equally knotty as the friendship between two nations
Easy are the tasks of running away, hating and ignoring
Love needs to ace the difficulty of talking and discussing
Never in love get sleazy
For being in love is not easy

Love needs time
It's not just merry making or just a wind chime
The world is a silly messed up thorny place to live in
The world is not made for just him to be her's and her to be his
At all such times give your lover a break, give some time, be sublime
Ask for time when not given back
Time heals everything, time builds up love and bring things back on track
Love is not a midnight dream
Love is a bridge built over the best understandings of each other's differences
Don't let act them as hindrances, don't allow the bridge to seam
Differences will continue forever, so should the bridge and its beam
Understanding them will put strength in it
Communicating will increase the length of it
Not doing so will leave it like the Colosseum
Doing so will help you see and feel the limitless sky, and vanish the corrosion
But the endless sky is not so easy
For being in love is not that easy

Life is complicated, its essence lies in simplifying it
Let love be the the means to the latter
Let not love be the cause of the former
Do fall in love, the apple 'tastes' and 'feels' sweet
If you can't withstand the desire of falling in love, blame Adam and Eve
Making castles in the air is no crime
But walk together to jointly collect the wreckage when it falls at an unexpected time
The cooperation and eagerness to collect and re-make it will define your love
Not the magnitude of the collection
For making love castles in the air is easy
But being in love is not that easy

Love poems are like paeans they say, and they say it right
For in love, when things once go wrong, hardly go right
They go wrong as being in love is not easy
They go right when love is just love
When deservance falls before desire
When there is equal focus on both your love and your work
When you start realizing and prioritising the importance of both at the same time
When contribution and help precedes individualism and selfishness
When cooperation and coordination pave way for each other's problems in profession and life
When solution to each and everything is taken out by cautiously utilising each other's precious time
Into that heaven of pleasure, let me and our love take refuge and re-awake, and be the sweetest wind chime
All this sounds cheesy and is not so easy
But then, being in love is not that easy



The author can be reached herehere and here. In an essay on Emily Dickinson, the poet Adrienne Rich once wrote, “It is always what is under pressure in us, especially under pressure of concealment—that explodes in poetry.” We live in a time in which little is concealed, and that pressure valve—the one that every writer is intimate with—rarely has a chance to fill and fill to the point of explosion. Literary memoir is born of this explosion. It is born of the powerful need to craft a story out of the chaos of one’s own history. One of literary memoir’s greatest satisfactions—both for writer and reader—is the slow, deliberate making of a story, of making sense, out of randomness and pain. In the inimitable words of Annie Dillard, “You may not let it rip.”

Image from here.